Zithero Tooty
by romantiCaveman
Summary: After spending several years in prison, Tooty is a little too eager to prove to the Isle O' Hags that she and her cowardly breegull sidekick are not rubbish videogame characters by challenging nine all-new worlds and a new upstart antagonist.
1. Not Exactly Final Boss Material

**Maybe this kind of Banjo-Kazooie fanfiction has been done hundreds of times before. I don't know. My goal here is to tell a fun, simple story in the style of a Banjo-Kazooie/Banjo-Tooie game that I would totally play in a heartbeat. Hopefully I'll succeed.**

**Enjoy!**

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**Zithero-Tooty**

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**Chapter One:**

**Not Exactly Final Boss Material  
**(In Which Gruntilda Uses Her Secret Weapon)

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**Isle o' Hags  
**(Spiral Mountain)

It had been a long winter for all those who dwelled on Isle o' Hags, be they creatures or inanimate objects with adorable googily eyes. Spiral Mountain in particular had its landmarks coated in a layer of slush and mud, but it was still possible to see the indent of the witch-shaped crater where Gruntilda Winkybunion fell over a decade ago.

Something gray and decayed fell from high up, screaming all the way down. It landed with a slushy impact right next to the witch-shaped crater. It wiggled its way out of the snowbank, revealing it to be the heavily decayed and still sentient head of Grunty.

She growled at the inconvenience of losing her body, shortly before her biomechanical body landed on her, tube-side down and legs in the air. Her violet cat, Piddles, joined her by landing claws bared on her bloomers, and Grunty's metal hat completed the pile-up by crushing a very annoyed Piddles.

"Awww, you two look tired!"

Banjo the bear and Kazooie, his red-crested breegull companion, touched down in the slush and mud a short distance from the pile-up.

"What do you say Kazooie?" Banjo said with a stupid grin plastered on his face. "Want to just call it a game and just cut to the credits?"

"Might as well." Said Kazooie, disappointed. "Final boss my feathery butt. You should of stayed in old TV-face's factory making games."

Grunty clumsily got to her feet and yanked Piddles out of her rump. Her head righted itself in the tube on top of her body and she screwed her hat back on. She smiled an innocent old lady smile with her remaining teeth, which only served to make Banjo and Kazooie suspicious.

"_Oh, but I have been making games, you see,  
__As inside one we'll shortly be!"_

Before the two of them had a chance to react, Grunty whipped out a massive, clunky videogame console and slammed it into the snow. It booted up, and the four controller ports each glowed a different color before each sucking Banjo, Kazooie, Grunty and Piddles into them.

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**Inside Grunty's Videogame**

Banjo and Kazooie felt a tingling as their bodies were rendered. The bear landed on his butt on a field and sky that were both mud-colored.

"Errr, okaaay?" Kazooie said. "Where are we?"

"And why is everything all brownish?" Banjo said.

"_Haven't you heard, fleebag of old?  
__Sepia colors are gaming gold!  
__Weep at the next-gen graphics you see,  
__Before you cry at the beating from me!"_

The duo gasped at the sudden appearance of a green-skinned babe of a witch crammed full of as much fanservice as you can get away with in an E-10-Rated game.

"Huh?" Banjo said. "Is that…Grunty? Why, she's not as ugly-looking now!"

Kazooie shrugged indifferently. "Meh, I don't see any difference."

"_Welcome, featherball and furry runt  
__To a world I call Gamegrunt!  
__Wrote in GRUN~ and with unlimited power,  
__I'll boot your butts within the hour!"_

"But," Banjo started, "wait, if this is some kinda virtual-reality-thingy where you can make yourself not butt-ugly, why didn't you make us look like freaks or anything?"

Grunty put her slender hands on her curvy hips and cackled.

_"While my beauty is always up for perfection,  
__You two have always won the ugliness election!"_

"Wow," Kazooie yawned. "What a sick burn. Clearly, Banjo, we should surrender to the talking pile of vomit."

"Mrrrowr," growled a low voice behind Banjo, "if that's what bird says, I want to toy with it first before I eat it."

The duo twirled around to come face-to-face with a massive cat-like beast. The fact that Piddles was still that purple color did not diminish her scariness.

Banjo gulped. "Looks like she's given her cat an upgrade too."

Grunty gracefully leapt through the air and onto Piddles's back while the author grimaced at the ugliness of the name "Piddles" with an apostrophe-s at the end. There simply had to be a better way to indicate possession in grammar.

Banjo in turn pulled Kazooie out of his backpack and cocked her dramatically. He aimed her beak-first at Grunty while Kazooie readied her egg ammunition.

And once more, bear and bird and witch and cat did battle.

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**The horrible GRUN~ pun was inspired by the webcomic _Homestuck_. I'll let you figure it out on your own.**

**Also, yes, we will get to Tooty, her new partner, her new antagonists, her new mole mentors, her new worlds and her whole big freakin' fanfic adventure eventually. Think of it like _the Legend of Zelda_ games. You start out living a peaceful life in a village, and then all kinds of crazy crap goes down, and then the genre shifts and you start the classic dungeon-crawling we all know and love. Just be patient and trust me.**


	2. A Glitch in her Britches

**Hey, thanks for the reviews, favs and alerts! It's uplifting stuff like that that makes me more motivated to work on this instead of attempting to live a balanced lifestyle!**

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**Chapter Two: **

**A Glitch in her Britches**  
(In Which The Duo Unwillingly Beta Test Grunty's Game)

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**Inside Grunty's Videogame**

Banjo and Kazooie ducked behind a brown rock in a field full of brown rocks. If this place was the future of videogame graphics, it was depressing and nearly unplayable. The two silently longed for the days when gameplay meant more to designers than realism.

Of course, they had little time to yearn, as Grunty's green-skinned witch-babe avatar and her massive monstrous feline companion were baring down upon them.

**Gruntilda-Piddles 4.0  
**(Yet Another Final Boss)

Grunty cackled yet again.

"_Oh, bear and bird! There's no need to cower,  
__It'll be all over soon with my killer spell shower!"_

Banjo heard a high whistle as Grunty gathered her magic for a devastating spell. He and Kazooie quickly rolled out from behind their cover, barely avoiding a storm of magical blasts that reduced the area to a crater.

"You know, Kazooie," Banjo panted while running, "Grunty seems a lot more powerful in this place."

"Gee, yah think?" Kazooie said. "Hang on. We've got an opening!"

Kazooie horked a pair of those near-useless ice eggs at Grunty and Piddles while Banjo continued to move. She had intended to blast a grenade egg at her, and quickly followed up the eggs with explosive. There was an explosion and a satisfying shriek from both of them.

"Did it work?" Banjo said.

"Errr… maybe? Can't really tell. Anyways, now they've split up."

Banjo slid behind a rock. His eyes lit up as he saw a pair of Split-up Pads and a Flight pad. "Ohhh. Maybe we should do the same!"

Kazooie frowned. "You sure this is a good idea?"

"Of course! The game developers would never put pads in a place where they weren't useful!" He leaped on the pad with his face on it, and Kazooie ejected herself. "How about I fight Grunty, and you fight her sidekick?"

"You're hilarious." Kazooie said. "Yeah, no way am I getting close to that purple furry thing. Besides, what are you going to do to Grunty? Throw your pack at her?"

"Well, errr…" Banjo hesitated. "I suppose I hadn't really thought about that. I kinda wanted to fight her solo, though!"

"Maybe some other game when you get your own ranged attack. For now, I'll get Wartface in the air and you can fight the Furball on the ground. Got it?"

Banjo sheepishly gave a thumbs-up. "Works for me!"

A mass of purple loomed into view. Piddles attempted to pounce on the two protagonists, but Kazooie had already taken to the muddy skies and Banjo was nowhere to be found. Just then, Banjo leapt onto the cat-beast's back and slammed his pack over her head.

Meanwhile, Kazooie and Gruntilda were trading blasts in midair. The bird had most of her attention on dodging and giving Grunty a barrage of various eggs to her face. While Grunty didn't seem to be slowing down any time soon, Kazooie was satisfied that the graphics engine was advanced enough to show bruising.

"How you doing down there, Banjo?" Kazooie called.

Piddles was yowling and attempting to shake Banjo off, but the bear had a strong grip on the straps of his backpack and used them like a pair of reins to ride Piddles like a mechanical bull. "Guh huh!" He happily called to Kazooie. "I've got this one in the bag! Get it, Kaz?"

Kazooie rolled her eyes. "I'm just gonna pretend you didn't say anything." She evaded another spell and faced Grunty. "Forget it, bunion-butt. Even in godmode you can't hit this bird."

Grunty twisted her now black-and-blue and swelling face into a grin.

"_You may be too nimble for my spells,  
__But I doubt your bear friend is as well!"_

Grunty's hands each glowed with a magical energy, and before Kazooie could do anything, she flung both bolts at Banjo riding Piddles. An explosion sent the two of them flying through the air and through a rock.

"Banjo!" Kazooie cried.

Grunty cackled madly, and charged up a shot at Kazooie while she stared in shock, before a familiar voice made her stop in her tracks.

"Guh huh! Looks like your Gamegrunt still has a few glitches!"

Banjo floated through the wall, awkwardly frozen in a painful pose. His head was permanently tilted up, and his mouth didn't even move with his words.

Kazooie quickly regained her composure. "You…alright there, buddy?"

"Sure thing, Kazooie!" Banjo said. "It's just my…um…character model isn't moving with me."

Grunty grinned and threw another spell at Banjo. Said spell went harmlessly right through him and fizzled out harmlessly. Her eyes widened. She tried again, gritting her teeth and launching an explosive barrage of spells his way, but everything harmlessly passed through him as Banjo slowly floated closer and closer to her. Grunty was out of breath by the time Banjo reached her.

His glitched character model swung his pack around to smack Grunty, but it also went harmlessly through her. She sneered.

"_Hah! I may not be able to attack you,  
__But all your attacks are useless too!"_

"Maybe, Winky" the frozen Banjo said thoughtfully. "But your cat's attacks aren't!"

Before Grunty could react, Banjo's tiny blue backpack floated in front of him, opened, and launched a massive and terrified Piddles at Grunty. The two of them crashed in mid-air, turning into a massive cluster of spells

Yes, somehow the glitch that made Banjo intangible also forced Piddles all the way into the pack as if she were a carriable object. It was all rather convenient.

Banjo's character model glitched his way over to Kazooie. "And now it looks like the cat's _out_ of the bag! Get it, Kazooie?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Kazooie groaned. "Now what? Should we blast them?"

"Nah, they probably gave themselves lots of hit points. Killing them could take forever. But I have an idea!"

Kazooie raised an eyebrow. "You…you do?"

"Yuh huh! If her game still has errors like that glitch, then we might be able to break it and get free!"

Kazooie buried her face into her wing. "Banjo, I'm pretty sure videogames don't work that way, but whatever. I suppose it wouldn't be the first time we've done something stupid only to have it somehow succeed." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Fine. Let's try it. What do we have to lose?"

"Guh huh!" Banjo agreed. "How about overworking the physics engine, then? Still have plenty grenade eggs to launch?"

"Yep, and while I'm doing that, go to the system menu and turn up all the graphical settings to game-breaking levels."

"Oh! And I can deploy a super-complex-but-useless mech I made with _Nuts & Bolts_!"

Kazooie frowned. "Fine, but this story better be about old-school platforming and not making vehicles. I'm sick of them."

Before long, Grunty and Piddles found themselves frozen and glitched in mid-air. Only their eyes could move as they saw themselves surrounded by explosions and a massive robot with a choppy frame rate. A low-polygon-count Banjo and Kazooie walked up to the two them.

"Nice idea about switching to our Nintendo 64-era character models, Kazooie!" Banjo said.

Kazooie shrugged. "I was feeling nolstalgic, and we're not straining the processor this way." She looked up at Grunty and Piddles with disgust. "These two, however, aren't so lucky. How do you like your 'new and improved' graphical bodies now? Especially when you can't even move them because they're so detailed?"

"Your call, Mrs. Winkibunion," Banjo said. "You can either switch off the power and let us all out, or you can stay frozen in that position with your cat forever."

Grunty closed her eyes and barely managed to snap her fingers. The world flashed white and faded to black.

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**Isle o' Hags**  
_(Spiral Mountain)_

The four of them were instantly back in the snow-covered Spiral Mountain and in their original bodies. Grunty was weeping loudly into the slush while Piddles looked at her disgust.

"Game over, Loggo-breath," Said Kazooie. "I'd say even Klungo knows a little bit more about game design than you do."

Suddenly, Banjo noticed the reddening sky. "Oh no! Kazooie, we've got to get moving!"

"What?" Kazooie said. "Why?"

"Don't you remember? I told Tooty we'd be visiting her today!"

"So? Let's visit her in an hour." Kazooie leapt out of the bag and stretched her wings on a patch of dead grass. "I thought we could roll the credits now. Or at least the cast parade."

"But visitor hours for the prison close at sundown!" Banjo said. "We don't have much time."

"Uggh. Then count me out. Say hi to your sister for me."

"Kazooie!"

"Oh fine! I'll come."

As Banjo and Kazooie of them Talon-Trotted into the distance, Grunty suddenly stopped sobbing. When she was sure they weren't looking, she grinned ominously at the two of them and let a cackle slip to herself.

Unfortunately for her, Banjo _was_ looking. "Hmmmn." He said to Kazooie, "I wonder why Grunty would smile like that."

"Probably because she's got a plan B," Kazooie said, "but it's alright. We've got a counter to her plan B."

"Kick her butt as usual?"

"You know it. Now let's go visit Tooty before I change my mind."

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**I don't think I've encountered a character as fun to write dialogue for as Kazooie.**

**Also, I don't think I've ever been as big of a dork as I have in the process of planning out the worlds in this fanfic. I absolutely can't wait until we reach these levels. I hope you'll find them suitably _Banjo-Kazooie_-like!**

**Also also, I don't think I should be on the computer when I have a horrible headache BUT OH WELL LOL.**


	3. Distressed Damsel

**Just wanted to make clear that I do not think of Tooty as a "rubbish" videogame character. The idea of Tooty getting arrested by the "Rubbish Videogame Character Police" came from Rare's response to a fan asking what ever happened to her (and Brentilda too, if I recall correctly) and at least partially inspired this fanfic.**

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**Chapter Three:**

**Distressed Damsel **  
(In Which Our Thus Far Elusive Plot Finally Gets Started)

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**Creepy Deep Catacombs **  
(Prison Compound)

The geography of Isle o' Hags had greatly changed since Banjo-Kazooie and Banjo-Tooie, for no real discernable purpose other than to give this fanfic nine brand-new worlds rather than reusing old ones.

Creepy Deep Catacombs was one of those new locations. An incident involving the HAG-2 prototype being taken for a joyride uncovered ancient caves and tunnels made of black rock and haunted by the dead. Naturally, the self-titled Rubbish Videogame Characters Police decided one of the unused caves would be a perfect and cheap location for their prison.

To their credit, however, the RVCP did treat their prisoners quite well. Their goal was not to punish, but rather, reform poor videogame characters and turn them into videogame characters that were…less poor. The lack of sunlight was a little brutal, but there was plenty of windflow through the caverns to keep the air from getting stale.

Tooty had grown accustomed to life in here. She was toughening up and developing a physique similar to her brother, albeit smaller and softer. She wore her pigtails shorter and lower on her head, and dressed in the standard prison uniform of an orange jumpsuit. It was still a little big for her, but she'd started to grow into it.

A mummified Mum-mum and a skeletal Limbo dressed as security guards escorted her in chains to the visitor room, where her brother Banjo and friend Kazooie were already waiting for her at a table.

Banjo waved to her. "Hello there, Tooty!"

"Oooh!" Tooty said happily, hugging the two of them before sitting down. "Hi Banjo! Hi Kazooie!"

"Hey, Tooty." Kazooie said awkwardly. "Have you experienced any …errr, prison-related milestones lately?"

"Yes! I got a tattoo!"

"A tattoo?" Banjo said. "That's really cool, Tooty!"

"Yeah!" She rolled up her sleeve to reveal a partially washed off rainbow unicorn. "Mr. Ripovski had a whole selection of temporary tattoos! I only cried twice when I was getting it."

"That's…not really cool." Kazooie muttered.

"I've also been doing community service!" Tooty continued, apparently oblivious to Kazooie's comment. "I was able to lift a hammer for the first time yesterday, but then it fell on my toe and I had to get a bandaid. And I also managed to eat all of my vegetables at lunch!"

Banjo and Kazooie gave each other worried looks before Banjo turned back to Tooty and smiled nervously. "Wow. It sounds like you're doing well!"

Tooty looked down at the table sadly. "You think I'm a weakling."

"No!" Banjo said, raising his hands defensively. "We're very impressed with your accomplishments, right Kazooie?"

"Suuure," Kazooie said. "Let's go with that." Banjo smacked the side of his pack, jostling Kazooie and causing her to let out a small squawk.

"You and I both know I deserved to get locked up in here." Tooty said. "I'm just a stupid lousy damsel in distress that just served to get the plot moving for the first game."

"Oh, Tooty! Why, there's nothing wrong with being a stupid lousy damsel in distress." Banjo said. "There are tons of characters who have made careers out of being damsels in distress!"

"Like that Italian plumber guy's broad."

"Right, Kazooie!" Banjo nodded happily. "Or that legendary lady from the games with that green-clothed sword-wielding fellow!"

"Both of which are probably more famous than we'll ever be." Kazooie sighed.

"But, guys!" Tooty pleaded. "I don't want to be a useless plot thingy. I want to be the protagonist! Or at least a helpful non-playable character."

Banjo laid a paw on Tooty's shoulder. "And both me and Kazooie want you to be yourself. Don't let these guys bully you into thinking you're a rubbish videogame character." He then grinned stupidly. "Because you're my favorite."

Suddenly, a green aura enveloped Banjo's hand and he grabbed Tooty by the jumpsuit collar. He flung her into a black stone wall and covered his mouth in surprise.

"Owch!" Tooty said, rubbing her head. "Banjo, what was that for?"

"I didn't mean to." Banjo said nervously, still glowing green. He seemed to be twitching uncontrollably. "This is going to sound crazy, but I can't control myself!"

Kazooie slapped him with her wing. "Banjo, get a grip! What are you talking about?" Then Kazooie glowed purple and violently horked up a grenade egg, blowing out one of the walls of the room. Sirens started to blare, and there were shouts from every direction.

"Kazooie!" Banjo yelled over the noise, still twitching and making awkward steps toward the wall as if some invisible force was pulling him. "W-w-what…are you doing-g-g?"

"I can't…control mys-s-self either!" Kazooie squawked.

Several Mum-mums and Limbos in uniform came into view from the broken wall. They trained their bandages and bones at the bear and bird, but Banjo reached down for the ground in a series of robotic motions, lifted up a hunk of earth, and bowled over the crowd of prison guards.

Banjo could only stare at the damage his body was causing in horror. "Oh, this is bad." He craned his head around to stare at his sister in fear. "Tooty! N-not safe here! Get…cover!"

"But, Banjo! I want to help!"

"Listen-n-n…kid!" Kazooie stammered out. "This is probably…some…kinda powerful magic that's…c-c-controlling us. It's so powerful…it's mak-k-king us…speak in short bursts of…words with…l-l-lots of ellipses!"

Several ribbons of white shot out from all around the duo and wrapped around Banjo's arms. The Mum-mum guards had surrounded them and were attempting to restrain them using their own bandages, but Banjo's arms glowed green, took control, grabbed the bandages and turned the guards into flails, knocking over other guards. Kazooie's purple aura twisted her neck and made her rapidly fire eggs of all types in all directions. Tooty barely avoided a grenade egg that shattered her manacles.

Banjo panted heavily in the now-clear room, but before he could rest, his green aura used his body as a puppet some more and made him walk through the hole he made in the wall. Kazooie was straining to get out and stop him, but her purple aura was confining her to the backpack.

"There's nothing…you…can…do!" She shouted to Tooty. "Run!"

"Kazooie!" Tooty cried, stumbling after them as they disappeared through the hole. "Banjo!" There were more loud noises and yelps as the sounds of the two of them activating their wonderwing ability came echoing through the corridor.

Tooty hesitated for a moment before she crept to the side of the hole and peaked around it. Banjo and Kazooie had already cleared a path of destruction through the prison. Lamps were shattered and sparking, broken loudspeakers were blaring with the distorted grumbles of Warden Pikelet, Mum-Mums and Limbos had been thrown everywhere and several incarcerated "rubbish" videogame characters were attempting to make a break for it.

She made her way through the wreckage as quickly as possible, following her brother and Kazooie's trail. Regardless of what the two of them had told her, she was not going to run away this time.

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**You know, this probably could've been prevented if Kazooie had all her eggs and feathers confiscated every time they visited the prison, but I suppose that's a little tricky to do when your ammunition is actually something on and in your body. **

**Thanks for reading! As always, reviews are greatly appreciated! **


	4. One of Those AntiHeroes

**Chapter Four:**

**One of those Anti-Heroes  
**(In Which the Co-star and Major Antagonist are Simultaneously Introduced)

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**Creepy Deep Catacombs**  
(Prison Compound)

During Tooty's incarceration, she had only been confined to the outer areas of the Rubbish Videogame Characters Police prison compound. She could tell she'd never been in this part of the prison as she ran after her brother's trail. The air smelt staler and ranker to Tooty, and she noticed the lighting was quite a bit harsher.

What was Banjo and Kazooie's possessor even trying to do with the two of them by making them destroy a prison? Was he or she simply trying to soil their good name? Or did he or she have a more sinister purpose?

Tooty sighed. She had no idea how she was going to save the two of them. She couldn't stop possession, let alone magic. But at the same time she couldn't just run away and leave Banjo to his fate as a walking weapon.

Her train of thought was abruptly ended with a collision. She stumbled backwards while the creature in front of her collapsed in a blue pile of feathers with a squawk.

"Yaaaah!" The pile shouted. "Don't hurt me!"

Tooty raised her palms to him to show she meant no harm. "I'm so sorry, Mr. Bird-"

"What?" The pile of feathers stuck his beaked head out and looked over Tooty with distain. "Oh, jeez. You _should _be sorry for scaring me like that! For a second there I thought you were a…never mind."

He got to his talons and Tooty saw he was indeed a breegull like her friend Kazooie. However, like many fanfics that give Tooty a breegull companion, this breegull was male and blue. It would be an unexpected twist when he would reveal his name to be "Zithero" and become Tooty's partner for the course of the story.

He wore a button-down collared short-sleeved shirt with a badge and had the crest on his head combed down over one of his nervous eyes. He quickly scanned around his feet and scooped up his police helmet with a wing and fastened it on his head. Tooty gulped. Not only had she been caught escaping by this prison guard, she also knocked into him. She would be taken back to her cell and would lose all hope of trying to rescue her brother.

However, as soon as the blue-crested breegull could get back to his feet he started trotting in the direction Tooty came from without paying her a second thought.

"Wait," Tooty shouted after him. "Aren't you a guard here?"

"That's right!" The bird called behind him.

"That means you're gonna take me back, aren't you?

"What?" He screeched to a halt. "No, of course not. Get out of here. That's what all us guards are doing. Just don't try to escape that way." He motioned to the way he came with a feathery finger. "That psycho bear and bird are down there."

"Banjo!" Tooty said. "Oh, thank you, sir!"

Tooty started running in the direction he pointed, when the blue bird quickly scampered in front of her in a flash of blue.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" He said, blocking her path. "Blondie, did you not just hear me? You do not wanna head that way. Those guys are armed with explosives!"

"I don't care!" Tooty said. "Banjo's my brother!"

"Well, your brother caused one hell of a mess."

Tooty shook her head. "I don't believe it. You're a guard here!

"So? What's it to ya?"

She gritted her teeth in frustration. "You should be protecting this prison!"

"Well, sometimes you have to know when to cut your loses and run." The breegull motioned down the dark hallway that he said Banjo had headed. "Your brother is headed towards top-secret part of the prison reserved for the worst of the rubbish videogame characters. The bosses."

"The bosses?" Tooty asked.

"That's right. It took practically an army to seal them in here. If that brother of yours ends up causing enough destruction to let just one of them escape, we're all done for." He shot a nervous glance all around him. "Best to just get as far away as possible! I know a chick on Krocktosquid Rock who has a boat. Maybe if I plead and beg I can get her to take me further north. In fact, maybe if a cutie like you came along, she'll be more willing to transport us. What do you say, Blondie?" He noticed Tooty was no longer beside him. "Kid?"

Tooty had stopped listening. She was far too horrified by the mental connection she just made. This wasn't some random act. Someone was using her brother to free those bosses.

She started running hard down the corridor her brother went, leaving the blue breegull behind shouting after her back.

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**Creepy Deep Catacombs**  
(Really High Security Cells)

Despite the fact that resisting the possession was becoming easier, Banjo was still unable to completely prevent his body from destructively marching its way through the prison.

"I think I'm getting the hang of this," Banjo said cheerfully while his body was slowly manipulated like a marionette by the green aura. "It's kinda like moving with an N64 controller with a broken joystick."

"I'm…sooo glad you're…enjoying yourself," Kazooie grunted while struggling against the purple aura that kept her in the bag. "For a second I thought…you might actually be…worried!"

The two continued their march down a dank corridor of massive cages. Long shadows of monstrous creatures stretched across the floor, which ranged from deadly dessert disasters to mechanical-looking monsters to glowing orbs of light. Banjo counted six filled cells on either side of Kazooie and him, in addition to a glowing ball-shaped cell at the very end of the hallway.

As soon as Banjo noticed the ball-cell, a blinding light at the end of the corridor erased these shadows and left Banjo and Kazooie averting and shielding their eyes.

"Ooooh. And who might you two dudes be?" Cooed a high, male, pigeon-like voice in the direction of the light. Banjo attempted to find the source of the voice, but the light was too blinding. Regardless, Banjo's legs suddenly took off full bore towards the light as if he was a puppet manipulated by invisible strings. He was finding it hard to resist the possession again.

"Have you come to release me?" Continued the voice. "How thoughtful. Several of my righteous dudes have tried to find me, but none could locate the prison I was held in."

"We have…no idea who you are," Kazooie grunted, still struggling, "but you must be one…hell of a rubbish videogame character to be imprisoned all the way back here."

"Hoo hoo hoo!" The voice laughed obnoxiously. "Perhaps I am. I suppose I would be a rather 'rubbish' videogame character…" his voice took on a dark edge, "if your definition of 'rubbish' is very villainous, extremely evil and ultimately…_uncouth_."

Banjo sighed as his body continued forward. "Yeah, see, we might've freed you if you didn't outright tell us you were a videogame bad guy."

"Whaaaaat?" Said the voice. "You mean to say you're one of those videogame heroic dudes? Despite the fact that you just blew a prison to smithereens?" He paused. "Oh, I get it. You're one of those sandbox anti-heroes! Like the electric guy, the guy who impales civilians on blood or the ambiguously Russian one."

"Sure, whatever," Kazooie said, "let's…go with that."

Banjo, however, was thinking. "That voice," He said to himself softly. "Where have we heard it before?"

"Ahhh, but if you free me," the voice said, "you'll get to take the much more evil path and get all the cool power-ups and the cooler ending! That always happens when you do the evil path!"

"We don't have a karma meter and we don't need one!" Banjo said. "We're old-school 90's videogame good guys through-and-through who don't need any sorta fancy gimmicks!"

"I don't know about that…" Kazooie added, "but even if we wanted to head down some sort of 'evil path,' there's no way we're freeing you, pretty boy!"

"Oh please," the voice said, "you already were pretty evil breaking all the way in here. Why not go all the way evil by releasing me? Now, would you kindly break this Restrain-O-Ball I'm trapped in? I'd very much like to reward your assistance, but I can't do all that much imprisoned in here."

Still under the control of the possession puppetry, Banjo watched in horror as his legs came to a stop and his hand reached for Kazooie and primed her for a grenade egg.

"Kaz!" Banjo shouted. "Whatever I do, don't fire!"

"Like I've…got a choice." Kazooie said weakly.

The duo helplessly watched as Banjo fired Kazooie and sent a grenade egg flying from her mouth and towards the light. There was a loud explosion and following shattering noise, and the duo suddenly felt the air charge with evil energy and smoke. There, silhouetted against the floodlight was a tall shadow with glowing red eyes.

"That's better." The voice said, now coming from the tall shadow. "Now, dudes and dudettes, let's liven this place up!"

In a second the Really High Security Cells turned into a maelstrom of masonry and now-freed shadowy roaring bosses. High-speed winds nearly swept Banjo off his feet and electricity arced across uprooted bars, with the glowing-eyed shadow in the eye of the storm performing his annoying pidgeon-like laugh. The only thing keeping the duo from being lifted into the air was Banjo fighting off the possession long enough to grab a metal support rod.

As he gritted his teeth against the wind, Banjo saw his sister out of the corner of his eye. She was an arms length away, being held by the collar of her jumpsuit by a blue breegull's beak, who in turn was grabbing onto a set of bars with his talons.

They met eyes and Tooty shouted something Banjo couldn't hear over the roar of the destruction around them. Through the maelstrom of winds and whirling they reached their paws for one another, and at only inches apart, Banjo blacked out.

* * *

**Wow, Kazooie sure does seem to be using a lot of grenade eggs in this fanfic. Just like in Banjo-Tooie, huh? I mean, I can't be the only one who found those poor, unloved fire and ice eggs near-useless!**

**Alright, while I do have the settings and plot progression planned out, there's still a lot left open in terms of the characters Tooty will meet and whatnot. So who or what would you like to see in your Banjo Kazooie game? Any moves or transformations you'd like to see? Any characters you'd like to get a larger role?**

**And thanks again to all who read! Hopefully we should be reaching the first world sooner or later. I was not expecting this pre-game prologue to take as long as it did to write.**


	5. Breakout

**Chapter Five:**

**Breakout  
**(In Which Humba Wumba Throws Various Characters Welcoming Parties)

* * *

**Isle O' Hags **  
(Stone Quarry)

The moon was rising. It was a full moon, as it always is when anything of significance happens in fiction, and it made the rippling water of the Stone Quarry's reservoir glitter with an off-white light.

A dark-haired human woman in heavy furs sat drinking from a mug of hot chocolate on a cliff overlooking the quarry. This was not the author's Mary Sue OC, but rather Humba Wumba, shaman extraordinaire.

She was absolutely miserable in this evening cold and hated that the freezing winter was forcing her to wear more clothing. She had not been able to reveal her stunning figure on a regular basis and her tan was becoming less pronounced. Even when her rival Mumbo Jumbo had been able to best her magic, she felt she could always count on her appearance to show up the shaman. Anyone would love to look that good ten years later. But with shorts season long gone she had little way to showcase her legs.

Although her eyes were closed and she was breathing softly, she was not actually meditating. She merely wanted to look like she was meditating should any other characters walk by and ask her what she was doing, so she could pretend to be all superior and "closer to earth" than said characters. She had an elaborate charade planned. She would speak in cryptic riddles like "the land is telling me a new age is upon us" and "you smell like evil." She would dramatically faint after she talked about "a great darkness" that has been "unleashed," all for the sake of showing up Mumbo.

Sure enough, as soon as she heard a nearby hatch creek open and a mole waddle out to clear his throat, the cold had made her lose all interest in the act.

"Humba! Attention!" The mole shouted.

"What do you want, Jamjars?" Humba said to the mole without opening her eyes.

"Do you know where Fleabag and Featherball went?" Jamjars the mole continued. "I've been lookin' all over the island for those two!"

"You too late," Humba took a sip of her cocoa, "Banjo and Kazooie already beat Gruntilda in big-heap final battle."

"Dang it!" Jamjars grumbled. "I was hoping for a decent role in this game, but I suppose runnin' a radio station and administratin' order on this here island is a full-time job."

Humba smirked and opened one of her green eyes. "You not too late for the character parade. That not happen yet."

"Did someone say character parade?" Said a high girlish voice.

Startled, Humba and Jamjars looked for the source of the voice. It echoed off the quarry walls but seemed to be coming from the resevoir water. Sure enough, a glowing pink bubble rose to the surface of the water and popped in the air, revealing a winged green woman in an orange prison jumpsuit and shackled with chains.

"Oh, I haven't been in a character parade since Banjo-Kazooie," said the woman. "I'd love to join in for once!"

"Grunty!" Humba gasped.

"Grunty?" The woman folded her cuffed arms sadly. "You mistake me for Grunty? Am I really that hideous?"

"You might wanna see a medic about that green skin," Jamjars said, "but otherwise, you look fit, Brentilda! Did you lose weight in prison?"

"Oh, dear Jamjars! You're such a sweetie." Brentilda said, now positively beaming. She materialized a wand, flew down and tapped Jamjars on the head with it. "May you never receive another hangnail!"

"Uhhh…thanks?" Jamjars said.

"Brentilda?" Humba said. "Humba never heard of you."

"She's Grunty's sister." Jamjars explained. "She pretty much just gossiped about Grunty back in the first game. I was wonderin' where she went, but then again, I guess it's to be expected a punk like her would go to jail. They let you out on good behavior, Miss?"

"No," Brentilda said excitedly. "Banjo and Kazooie broke into the prison and freed us all!"

"Good for Banjo." Humba said folding her arms. "It about time someone broke out fat piggy's prisoners."

Jamjars sighed. "I suppose those two were never known for their discretion. Do they really have to keep ticking off Pikelet? I'm the one who has to mend any broken bridges, ya know!"

Suddenly Jamjars's radio buzzed while the author grimaced at the ugliness of the name "Jamjars" with an apostrophe-s at the end. This simply had to stop happening in the fanfic.

The radio buzzed with Pikelet's grumble. "All available capable non-rubbish videogame characters report to the exits to Creepy Deep Catacombs quicklike! Non-capable ones report to the evacuation routes! This izza state o' emergency!"

Jamjars picked up the radio and spoke back. "Jamjars here! I've already heard the news, Pikelet. Look, aren't you overreacting a little to a prison break of your inmates? I mean, how much harm can a bunch of 'rubbish' videogame characters do?"

"With all due respect, gov'nor, I'm not sure you understand!" Pikelet said back. "Those punks have broken out all of the bosses includin'…The Shiny One."

The trio gasped.

"Oh my goodness," Brentilda said.

"What?" Jamjars barked back into the radio. "The Shiny One, you don't mean…?"

"Don't say his name!" Pikelet's voice interrupted. "Bad things like hangnails happen to those who utter his name aloud!"

"All the bosses." Jamjars muttered to himself in disbelief before turning back to the radio. "Banjo and Kazooie may be a little thick and a little nasty respectively, but would they really do something as stupidly evil?"

"I saw what I saw, sir! We need to quarantine, arm an' evacuate this island immediately!" A crashing sound was heard through the radio. "Gotta go! Pikelet out!"

"Wait!" Jamjars said. "Pikelet! We need information on all of these guys! What are their weaknesses?" He paused. "What the hell do they even look like?"

"Like this, you stiff!"

The trio groaned and slowly turned to face the water reservoir. Humba and Jamjars were really getting sick of hearing mysterious voices, looking around, and having the source of the voice reveal themselves dramatically. They hoped they wouldn't have to deal with any more of this rubbish as this story went on.

Said source of the voice was a person-sized rooster in an orange prison jumpsuit. He hovered above the reservoir, his skin glinting in the moonlight.

**Chill Virgil **  
(Infuriatingly Flirty Robo-Rooster)

"Whoa ho ho! Looky here!" The robo-rooster spoke with a tinny twang and pointed a steel feathery finger at Humba. "I knew you ladies couldn't get enough of Chill Virgil and would be waiting my triumphant return!"

Humba glared at him. "Humba doesn't know who you are, but already would like you to get recycled."

"Is he the Shiny One you two were talking about?" Brentilda whispered worriedly to Jamjars.

"Nope," Jamjars said back, "but he's one of the twelve other bosses Pikelet was holding, so don't underestimate him. Definitely bad news."

Chill Virgil slicked back his metal feather hair and gave a smug grin as he hovered closer to Humba. "You're killing me, babe!"

"Shortly." Humba said with a smirk. She motioned to Jamjars and Brentilda. "Go. Humba'll fight him. You need to stop other bosses and save island."

"Are you quite sure, child?" Brentilda said nervously. "He could be dangerous! He got a boss-subtitle and everything!"

"Humba has a boss subtitle too. It 'she-who-roasts-annoying-poultry-butt.' "

**Humba Wumba **  
(She-Who-Roasts-Annoying-Poultry-Butt)

Humba turned back to Brentilda. "See?"

"She's right!" Jamjars said. "Let's go, Brentilda, before more violations of the fourth wall occur!" He grabbed Brentilda and stuffed her inside his nearby hatch before saluting to Humba. "Good luck, soldier!"

He disappeared down the hatch and left Humba standing on the edge of the cliff before the steep drop down the reservoir. She faced Chill Virgil, who was hovering about twenty meters away and still wore that horribly smug grin.

"Thanks for getting rid of those clowns, babe." Virgil said. "Gives us some nice alone time, am I right?"

Humba drank her remaining hot cocoa and laid the cup down gently. She closed her eyes, focused the miserable cold into a spell, and launched it at Virgil. "Eat rust!"

"Whoa! Babe!" Virgil barely avoided the spell with a spin in midair. "You like to play rough, huh?" A pair of gattling guns appeared on his shoulders. "Well, don't worry, because this body can dish out enough pain for your liking!"

Humba's eyes widened. She quickly scanned the area for cover and found it conveniently nearby in the form of a large crumbled quarry brick. She faked out Virgil by starting to dash in the opposite direction and then performing a Megaman-style powerslide behind the block.

Her fake-out worked. Virgil had attempted to lead her with his guns and was unable to readjust his aim, sending his steel feather ammunition for the most part harmlessly into the cliff face.

Behind the brick, Humba reoriented herself. She winced and noticed a few steel feathers had struck themselves through the furs on her right shoulder. There was no blood, as this is not a darkfic, but still, noticing that the boss you were fighting had just made you a few hitpoints short was always a drag.

Humba reached into her animal-skin bag on her hip. It was time to pull out the big guns.

Virgil crowed with laughter. "Really, babe, I don't know why you even thought you had a chance against fighting me. You won't believe how many of your type I've seen. The token girl with the magical beams and stuff. They've all fallen for my charms over time."

Suddenly the warping sounds of an incredible transformation echoed across the quarry walls, followed by a magnificent bang.

"Speaking of charms…" Humba announced. She leapt on top of the block and faced Virgil, no longer a human girl, but in the form of a box draped in furs. It had a detonator plunger on top with a pair of Humba's angry green googily eyes, and a washing-machine-like window-door in the front.

"Humba call this hybrid transformation Laundry Detonator!" She said. "Time to eat explosive underwear, you creep!"

Virgil just stared. "What."

* * *

**You guys are fantastic. Thank you so much for the reviews! However, I can't personally thank and respond to each of your comments unless you have accounts to this website! This is a tragedy that should be remedied by you all signing up. Don't be shy!**

**Anyways, I've never played _Kameo: Legends of Power_, but I figured it would be cool to give Humba a similar self-transformation combat ability to the lead in that game as sort of a tip-of-the-hat to Rare games in general. Call it a Kameo-Cameo (DURR HURR), if you will. Plus Humba's _N&B_ look kinda makes her look like Kameo. And now you cannot unsee it.**


	6. Sweet Dreams

**Chapter Six: **

**Sweet Dreams**  
(In Which a Family-Friendly Duel of Mechanical Creatures Ensues and the Story Goes Back to Being About the Title Character)

* * *

**Isle O' Hags**  
(Stone Quarry)

By the cold light of the full moon, Humba Wumba, a heroic shaman who had transformed herself into a washing-machine-slash-detonator-plunger mash-up, faced down Chill Virgil, a mechanical robo-rooster. Clearly the seriousness of this situation was visible to all readers.

Virgil shook off the shock and readied the gattling guns on his shoulders with a click. He blasted Humba with a fully automatic barrage of steel feathers. Though Humba's current form was quite a bit less nimble than Humba's human form, she still managed to wheel herself out of the way of most of the fire while her considerably more armored form deflected quite a few of the shots.

Humba skid across the ground until her door faced Virgil and coughed up a pair of underwear. As the undergarments arced through the air towards Virgil, he intercepted it with a hail of bullet feathers, and it exploded in a shower of pyrotechnics and massive bubbles.

"Baby, here's a tip." Virgil called from across the reservoir. "If you were going for the element of surprise, you shouldn't have told me the laundry you hack up in that ridiculous form explodes. Anything you shoot I can—what?"

A pair of hissing underwear with a lit fuse shot through the cloud of suds and caught itself neatly on Virgil's left wing. He screamed and frantically attempted to shake it off.

_Boom._

The simultaneously smoking and sudsy metal body of Virgil plummeted fast and he was only able to right himself to hover about a meter from the water. He was horrified to find his left wing was a sparking useless mess and the corresponding turret was inoperable.

"Humba figured you'd need the advantage."

Virgil turned to find Humba the Laundry Detonator bobbing in the water on the other side of the reservoir. His eyes glowed blue with rage and he turned his remaining wing into a literal steel feathery chainsaw. He zipped across the water, making meter-high waves trail behind him. Humba countered by firing several pairs of underwear into his path. Giant plumes formed in the water when they detonated, but Virgil zigzagged past three of them and quickly braked before he could run into a fourth.

When the plume dissipated, Humba was nowhere to be found. Virgil whipped his head around to prepare for a counterattack and got a face full of foam as Humba popped up to the surface.

Unfortunately, Humba was too slow to retreat when Virgil blindly swung his chainsaw-arm down and in a hit she was struck down into the depths of the reservoir.

"This aint a joke, babe," Virgil sneered at the water. "I'm not a warm-up tutorial boss. I'm the real deal! And this is just a fraction of how powerful I'll become when The Shiny One takes over this lame-o island. I doubt even then your stupid bear and bird heroes could so much as scratch me." He clucked. "If they hadn't already gone rogue, that is."

There was no response from beneath the water. Virgil rose higher above the water, activating his hover jets and balancing with his remaining wing.

"As much as I enjoyed playing with you, I've gotta meet up with real characters now. Toots, babe."

Something massive and green burst from the water and clamped down on Virgil's metal body. It swung its head around and flung a screaming Virgil into the air.

"Humba call this hybrid transformation Daddy Dragonosaurus Rex!" The creature roared.

"I think I just sprung a leak." Virgil squeaked.

The mouth of Humba's new dragon-tyrannosaurus rex form glowed orange and engulfed Virgil in a cone of heat and sound. The roar echoed off the mountains and the light acted as a miniature sunrise for a moment.

When it was all clear, an exhausted Humba, back in her human form dragged herself back ashore. What was left of Virgil's metal body smacked the ground with a loud grunt. A blue ghostly rooster rose from the wreckage of his body and looked at himself, then glared at Humba.

"Babe, come on," Virgil said. "Why'd you have to destroy my hot bod? It had flame decals and everything!"

Humba smirked, tiredly walked over to Virgil, grabbed his ghostly form by the neck and stuffed him into her hot chocolate thermos.

"Hey! Hey!" Virgil protested. "How can you even do that? I'm a ghost! What are you doing with me?"

"Humba would take you back to comfortable cell in high-security prison, but fat piggy says you broke it. So, thermos will have to do for now."

"Wait! Babe—I mean, Ma'am!" Virgil said. "Maybe we got off on the wrong foot and I was wrong to—hey!" His voice echoed from inside the thermos. "Don't leave me in here! I'm serious! Oooh, is that hot chocolate in the bottom?"

Humba's googily-eyed thermos screwed its cap back on, and Humba herself collapsed in a heap on the shore.

**Chill Virgil Defeated!**  
(1 of 13 Bosses Jailed)

"Humba has to help the others," she said panting. She looked around. "Where are they? Humba really needs a cellphone."

A shadow came up behind her, but before she could whirl around for the umpteenth time these last two chapters, the back of her head was smacked by something heavy. She saw stars and as she blacked out, her face smacked into the beach.

* * *

**?  
**(Location Unknown)

He shot me.

That was the one constant thought Tooty held onto as she lapsed in and out of the haze of consciousness.

She didn't remember much after she ran into the Really High Security Cells. Banjo blew something up, a strangely familiar voice rang out and the room turned into a whirlwind of destruction.

Her own brother had shot her.

She pushed the breegull security guard's warnings of the dangers of the now-free bosses out of her mind and stumbled through the devastation to drag her possessed brother to safety.

But just as she reached out for Banjo, his previously friendly face contorted into a snarl. His eyes narrowed and glazed over with green possession and anger. He pulled out Kazooie, whose eyes were similarly dull and glowing, aimed her beak in Tooty's direction and hit her and the breegull security guard with a grenade egg.

He shot me. I've lost him. He's gone.

After that, Tooty lost all track of time and place. If she stayed awake too long she shivered in the winter air and her wet jumpsuit, while if she slept for too long her dreams turned to her running from a red glow on the horizon.

But the memory of Banjo's snarling face stayed with her wherever she went.

Fortunately, just when things were starting to get too melodramatic, Tooty woke up warm and cozy in a well-lit room under a set of heavy blankets. The first thing she noticed was a massive chalkboard with several things written on it. Mostly about something called "STOP & SWOP," although there was something written in the middle of the chalkboard in large messy lettering:

_Why does everything possess googily eyes?_

And then below it, circled and double-underlined:

_RESEARCH LATER!_

Tooty noticed that the entire room was covered in scrawlings like this on sheets of lined paper and whiteboards as well, propped up in front of and on top of piles of books. There were also in-depth drawings of creatures like Colliwobbles and some strange fiery imp on a carpet that Tooty had never seen before. The room itself seemed to be underground, as there were no visible windows

She rested her head back. She was tucked into a real bed. Tooty didn't remember the last time she had slept in a bed and not one of those fake prison ones. And she felt great! Much better than she imagined she would after taking a grenade egg blast. Almost enough to make her a little bit suspicious, but she couldn't think about it for long with the memories of the event starting to come in.

Her heart sank as she remembered. She had no idea how long she'd been out, and Banjo was still in trouble. That possession had completely consumed him and Kazooie the last time she saw them. And while their bodies were being manipulated like puppets, she was sleeping cozily in some bed.

Tooty ripped off the covers with strength she didn't know she had. Whoever was nice enough to give her a bed also put her into a pair of comfy robes, and probably saved her from frostbite in the process. She was finally rid of that prison jumpsuit! And as she left the bed, she realized she could walk just fine. Also somewhat suspicious, but this was no time to get suspicious or celebrate or do anything else frivolous. Tooty's brother saved her over a decade ago. Now was her time to return the favor.

But first, where was she?

* * *

**So, Humba, why didn't you turn into the Daddy Dragonsaurus Rex to begin with instead of a washing machine that shoots exploding underwear? Seems like you would've saved yourself a lot of time and energy, huh?**

**Anyways, it took me a while to get back to updating this story because (surprise-surprise) I started playing _Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts_ on my friend's 360. While it's disappointing that Rare didn't develop another traditional platformer, _N&B_ is still a ton of fun and encourages lots of creativity. You should check it out if you haven't already.**

**Still, the world of _Zithero-Tooty _is going to take more inspiration from _Banjo-Tooie_ than _N&B_. Sorry if it seems like a step backwards, but in my humble opinion, _Banjo-Tooie_ is the crowning game in the series.**


	7. Walk it Off

**Chapter Seven:**

**Walk it Off **  
(In Which Tooty Experiences the Typical Tutorial Level)

* * *

**?**  
(Location Unknown)

"Hello? Anyone here?"

Tooty called out at several intervals as she walked down a tunnel. Like the room she had woken up in, the walls looked as though they had been carved from the earth and were lined with piles and piles of books. Still, there was no sign of anyone else in this underground tunnel-system.

"Look, I kinda need to go save my brother. And his friend, too. But I need some winter clothes first. And your front door is locked down."

Or at least Tooty thought that particular door was the front door and the way out, as it had a mail slot and was painted a nice shade of green. For all she knew it could lead to even more tunnels. Regardless, that door was electronically bolted with steel beams and Tooty could not open it.

A thought occurred to Tooty. Her rescuer had recovered her in her prison jumpsuit. Meaning he or she knew that Tooty was an escaped convict. Is that why the door had been locked tight? So Tooty could be kept imprisoned until the RVCP could reclaim her?

It was enough to make her despair that she'd never be able to rescue her brother, but she knew she couldn't be held back much longer.

After all, her name was in the title of this story.

The earthen tunnel had several rooms on either side, all filled with electronics, paper notes and even more books. The bathroom was filled with wires and circuit boards, the kitchen was buried in anatomy diagrams and the study had shelves loaded with misplaced towels and perishable food items. Still, there was no people or sentient objects in any of them.

She nearly passed another room without a glance by when something inside it caught her eye.

There, in a completely dark room, hanging on a coat rack and illuminated by a single spotlight, was a yellow backpack.

Its bright, bold, yellow color had been so perfectly picked, its side-pockets had been so perfectly arranged and its rips and tears over the years had been repaired with the perfect number of black stitches. Tooty could not help to look at the way it hung by its straps from the coat rack and visualize it hanging loosely from her petite shoulders.

Tooty's stared in awe. She simply had to have that backpack.

She nervously glanced around the darkened room. She did need some sort of adventuring gear if she was to have any hope of saving Kazooie and Banjo. Surely Tooty's mysterious rescuer could afford to part with this backpack. It's just hanging from a coat rack anyways. She'd only borrow it for a bit, return it in one piece and put it to good use and all. There might even be some adventuring clothes inside it that she could change into.

She didn't need much to reason herself into taking the backpack. Within seconds she had bounded into the spotlight and slipped the pack over her shoulders, leaving the coat rack clattering across the floor. It was just her size. No adjusting could make it fit any more perfectly.

Satisfied, Tooty was about to head back the way she came when the door slammed shut in front of her face. The room was suddenly illuminated by bright red lights.

"Unauthorized life forms detected." Said a mechanical voice in the darkness.

Tooty gulped.

"Nauseatingly sweet personality detected," The voice continued. "Scanning. Subject has been identified as Tooty the Bear. Activating maternal mode."

A pink light lit up and glowed friendlily at Tooty.

"Tooty," said the light with a mother-like voice, "it is imperative you return to your bed immediately!"

"What?" Tooty said. "No way! I've already spent three games being useless, Mrs. Pink Light Thingy, and I'm not about to spend a fourth one in bed! I've got a brother to save."

"I'm sure you do, sweetums." A long, snakelike tube extended from far above on a track. It started making an awful hum as it approached Tooty. "Please stand still so the tube-o-tron can suck you up and take you back to your bed. Don't even think about using the Joystick to move as the tube-o-tron advances towards you at a painfully slow pace. Thank you!"

"Eeep!" Tooty watched as the advancing tube sucked up the coatrack. She started running full bore in the opposite direction when a yellow-and-black striped wall ejected from the floor. She made a quick turn to the left and was blocked by another striped wall.

"Deploying inconvenient chest-high barriers," announced the computer. "Please refrain from use of the Jump Button to hop over the walls, sweetums!"

But before the message finished playing, Tooty had already leaped over the wall. For the moment she hung in the air she felt lighter and more powerful than ever. How did she suddenly become able to jump as high as her brother?

Tooty felt pain shoot up her legs at the landing. Not enough to cost her a honeycomb, but still enough to keep her from taking another step for a moment. If she wanted to be a hero she had to stop stiffening her legs on every fall.

She turned her attention in front of her. A panel on the floor hissed open and a metal platform carrying some sort of giant cyborg carrot filled the hole it made. It ominously hopped towards Tooty, its googily eyes cockeyed and unfocused.

"Deploying escort drone. Be careful not to touch the Tin Topper, Sweetums, as you'll take damage. Please let him herd you to the tube-o-tron so you can be put to bed."

Panicked, Tooty quickly leaped over another yellow-and-black striped wall to get away from the carrot, but it simply hopped over the barrier without even stopping for a moment.

Something squawked behind Tooty. She didn't realize cyborg carrots could squawk. And that sound was awfully loud as if it was directly behind her. A thought occurred to her. While still running, she twisted her neck around to see rustling and birdlike noises coming from her newly acquired backpack. It started shifting on her back and unzipped its top two zippers on its own accord.

"What?" Came a voice from within. A yellow bill and one visible green eye nervously poked out between the zippers. "Did I fall asleep? What's going on?"

"No way!" Tooty gasped while still running. "Mr. Bird? You're here? And alive?"

The breegull stuck his neck out completely, smacking the lips of his beak. "Blondie, what are you doing with my backpack? I can't hide inside if it's bouncing around on your back." He was indeed Zithero, the very same breegull security guard that Tooty had ran into when she was chasing Banjo and Kazooie in the prison, but keep in mind Tooty still doesn't know his name yet. The reveal that his name is Zithero and thus one of the titular characters will be saved for a later chapter where it will have maximum shock value.

Anyways, the breegull blinked and started looking around. "And why are you running?" He caught sight of the hopping cyborg carrot and his tuft of feathers that normally covered one eye stood on end. "Yaaaaah! Sweet merciful L.O.G. what is that?"

Tooty pouted. "It wants to send me back to bed."

"Well, good luck with that! I'm outta here!" The breegull opened his wings and flapped hard.

Tooty felt a gust of wind whack her pigtails against her face. "Hey!" She said, spitting her hair from her lips. "Stop that! You can't leave!"

"Aaaah! You're right!" Said the breegull, still struggling to leave the backpack and flapping his wings like mad. "My talon's stuck on something! I'm gonna die!"

The breegull's hard flapping sent a disk of wind that bowled over the cyborg vegetable and made a strangely visible ring of stars circle around its head.

Tooty cheered. "Wow! Nice move, Mr. Bird!"

"I did that?" The breegull said worriedly. "I hope I didn't hurt it too bad."

"Oh, relax. It's just an enemy. These guys are supposed to be punching bags! They'll just respawn in a while if you kill them anyways."

"I don't know. If you don't mind me saying, your attitude towards them seems a little bit racist."

Tooty buried her face in one of her paws. "You are the worst Kazooie ever."

"What's a Kazooie?"

Tooty was about to answer when a loud hum and sucking noise alerted her to the advancing tube-o-tron. "I'll explain later!" She said, taking off at full speed and hurtling over a wall.

She looked around the room. The cyborg carrot had recovered and was now advancing towards them once again.

"I guess I could kinda do that wing-flappy thing and bowl that thing over again." The breegull said.

"Another breeze isn't gonna stop that thing. We need some sort of attack."

"We?"

"Of course 'we!'" Tooty said exasperated. "We're a team now! I'm the Banjo and you're the Kazooie."

The breegull sighed. "I really wish you would stop making up words."

* * *

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while. School started up again and I kind of lost steam for a bit. If you want updates to be more frequent, I do really selfishly appreciate written reviews and they're a great motivator for me to keep writing. Just saying.**

**A well-rounded critique also helps me write a better story. Find Zithero too whiny? Feel I don't describe the settings well enough? Find the narrator annoying? Well then, write a scathing review about what you dislike! Thanks in advance.**


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